


A Cat's Life

by BookshopLaura



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Animal Transformation, M/M, Magic Revealed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-06
Updated: 2016-04-24
Packaged: 2018-04-13 08:51:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 11,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4515618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BookshopLaura/pseuds/BookshopLaura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin decides to try transforming into a cat to make getting around easier, but finds it has consequences he hadn't realised. <br/>(might be a little bit inspired by the Animorph books I used to read)(just a little)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Merlin has a plan. He's been thinking that he really needs to find a way of getting around the castle unnoticed. As Arthur's manservant and confidant he's noticed. Not as much as he'd like to be, and definitely not appreciated, especially by Arthur, but he is noticed. So fetching things, and sneaking into places can sometimes be tricky. Not always, being Arthur's manservant gives him a pretty free reign, but then sometimes it would just be good to not be seen anywhere near where he needs to go. And he's pondering this conundrum with no particularly pressing need in mind when he notices a cat wandering around the castle. A silver tabby, with brownish tints around his face and legs, it wanders where it wants. Occasionally it wanders where it's not wanted, but the worst it gets is a shoo with a broom or an attempt at a kick, but no one has the heart to really try and harm it. Besides it's a favourite with the maids, who it has trained to bring it milk and tidbits on command. It sees a group and wanders over, announcing itself and is soon picked up and petted and called all kinds of ridiculous names. 

But the thing is, the cat can go where it wants. And if it's caught, it's not suspicious. Cats always try and get into places they aren't supposed to be. So no questions except "Now, you shouldn't be in here, should you puss?", no suspicion. A fool proof plan. So as soon as Merlin's thought of it, he's pouring over the magic books he has in his room. Only one of them mentions transforming into an animal. It's alongside the potion to age yourself, but it's covered in warnings about how dangerous it could be. How easy it is to get trapped as an animal. And he has to admit, the fact that to change back, he'd have to drink a potion is quite risky, but Merlin thinks he can work with that. He brews the remedy first and carefully places it in a bowl under his bed. Then he brews the potion, including some urine from the cat in the courtyard, and Merlin really tries not to think about that as he drinks it. 

For a moment he feels the same and looks the same. But then, as with the aging, everything changes. His stomach drops as he feels himself plummet down, the world suddenly becoming so much bigger. And darker, which he didn't suspect. And more constricted. He's trapped and struggling and yowling out in frustration until claws out he finds his way to the light. It's only as he pops his head out, looking around cautiously, that he realises that he forgot to take his clothes off. He steps out of them demurely, shakes himself and immediately feels itchy all over. It isn't until ten minutes later that he realises he's been licking himself. Of course cats do that, but Merlin is only in a cats body. He has things to do and places to go. So he gets up and walks carefully through the slightly ajar door. 

The world, the castle around him as a cat is so different. It smells more vivid, sounds busier, like the walls are thinner, and sound carries further. The ground is more uneven than he realised, and walking over it is like trekking over a mountain at times, but Merlin's never felt so agile. He steps from cobble to cobble with ease and is soon across the hallway. Trying to ignore the flood of his senses, Merlin attempts to focus on the task at hand. He needs to head to Arthur's rooms first. Arthur should be at practice and Merlin can get used to the route and room as a cat. He's just heading across the courtyard when his sharper eyes catch a movement.

"Oh, the other cat." thinks Merlin's conscious brain, but before he can think, he's growling low in his throat, turning side on and fluffing his whole body up. Merlin feels his mind in turmoil. He needs to just ignore the cat, to just keep walking, but the instinct to stand and fight for this territory, his territory, is incredibly strong. He manages a few steps that feel like his legs are stiff polls rather than paws. The other cat hasn't seen him, and after a moment darts back out of the main gate into the town. Merlin can feel control return. Hissing in the other cat's general direct for good measure, Merlin continues on his journey towards Arthur's chambers. 

The stairs are huge, but Merlin feels like his legs have springs as he actually finds himself enjoying bounding up them. He almost turns round and does it again for the sheer joy of it, but his eyes is caught by movement. This time it's not the cat, but a mouse running to scuttle under a table. Before he realises it, Merlin's lying flat to the ground, and he feels hypnotised by the movement of the mouse. He's creeping forwards slowly, stealthily, and there's nothing he can do. He's almost screaming at himself when the mouse darts through an open door. Merlin darts after it, and is relieved at least to find that he's made it into Arthur's chambers. But his relief is short lived when he hears a loud creaking from a previously quite quiet bed, and the figure of Arthur turns over to face him, an eyebrow raised.


	2. Chapter 2

Merlin's eyes dart up at the sudden movement from Arthur's bed, his paws suddenly routed to the spot. It's Arthur, only Arthur. But both natures are panicking. The cat part of him is acting as a cat would at being startled, and the Merlin part of him is trying to tell himself over and over that Arthur can't tell it's him magically transform. But what if he can?

Arthur on the bed, eyes him, eyebrows raised, but doesn't move except to lean on his elbows so he can watch Merlin. Merlin watches him in return, until a squeak, and Merlin's eyes are drawn like magnets to the mouse now making a dash to get under Arthur's bed. With little input from Merlin, he's darted across the stone floor and scooped the mouse into his mouth. Of course, the perfect excuse, Merlin thinks. Fun, thinks his cat mind, and without thinking about it, he's dropped the mouse and started to bat it about with his paws. It shrieks in fear and for a moment Merlin's conscious mind realises that he's enjoying the torment of another creature. He jumps even more when the bed practically groans as Arthur, far larger close up, moves to glower over him.

He's huge! His head alone must be the same size as Merlin, and his smell is stifling. Sweat. He smells of sweat. But it's Arthur, he recognise it, he realises, but it's never been this pungent before. And now he can smell different elements to it. The smell that's just background Arthur, covered with a strong dose of sweaty from activity Arthur and mud. 

"Don't let it get away!" says Arthur chidingly but not loudly, as the mouse makes a dash to get under the bed. Merlin pounces on it again, this time clamping his jaw firmly round it's middle, and he feels bones crack beneath his teeth. It makes the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end, and he's nearly sick, but he's supposed to be being a cat, and cats don't abandon a mouse. He slinks from under the bed, glances round to where Arthur is watching him. Arthur smiles when he sees the mouse in Merlin's mouth.

"Clever, puss. Why don't you take your lunch somewhere else now?" he says getting up, and Merlin doesn't need to be told twice. But as he runs he notes that Arthur spoke to him, didn't shout or shoo or even ignore him. Arthur is a cat person, and that is very valuable information. 

He passes the courtyard, and spots the tabby nearby, cleaning itself. Fighting every instinct, all of which fight back, he creeps towards it until he's only a couple of feet, carefully places the badly injured mouse and creeps out of sight. From behind a wall he sees the injured mouse begin to crawl. The cat cleans for a while longer, then turns around. Seeing the mouse, it's eyes narrow and it soon has the mouse in it's mouth. Merlin still feels cruel, but the tabby only gets treats from the servant girls, not fed, so at least the death has helped someone. Feeling uncomfortable and anxious, Merlin bolts back through the now vaster, louder castle, his feet barely touching the floor. Merlin darts through Gaius' slightly ajar door and up to his room, where he quickly laps at the potion under his bed. Then bangs his head as he transforms, naked under his own bed. He rubs his head , his elbow in the now spilt potion. This plan is going to take a bit of practice to get used to.

\---

He waits a couple of days before practising again. Arthur had grumbled about the cleanliness of his room, and how he'd seen a mouse, which was a sure sign that Merlin wasn't being thorough enough. Merlin had had to bite his tongue to not moan about how he'd dealt with the mouse. 

He is stricter with himself about going straight to Arthur's, although he can't resist the urge to clean himself after his transformation. It's like his whole body feels itchy and out of line, so it has to be done. But then he's straight down through the castle, eyes averted from the courtyard in case the tabby is there, and on up to Arthur's chambers. He this time Merlin knows he should be there, he's supposed to be writing a speech and 'didn't want to be disturbed'. It's a pride thing. Merlin might have dropped the hint that with the amount of help that he gave Arthur, he might as well write them himself. So Arthur had huffed and scowled and insisted he was writing this speech by himself. And of course Merlin wanted to see how he was doing. 

But when he arrives he finds that the door is closed he frowns, at least he thinks about frowning. He looks around, there's no one around, but there's also nothing near the door he could jump on to to open it. He steps forward and puts his hand up, not realising it's a paw, and just ends up scratching at it pathetically. He's just realised that cats sometimes use their heads in these situations, when the door swings open violently, and Arthur is staring down at him, frowning.


	3. Chapter 3

Merlin thinks it's probably a really bad idea being here. Again. Here being lying on Arthur's bed being stroked by Arthur, who is supposed to be working on a speech, but is instead brushing long luxuriating down Merlin's entire bodies, making Merlin stretch and lean into them. It's a very good thing that Merlin is currently a cat, because if Arthur knew about this, this secret indulgence, he would kill him. Ever since that first proper visit. The visit after the visit with the mouse. The visit where Arthur had invited him in, and picked him up, which was scarier than anything. But then the stroking, and honestly it was divine! Like the most intense massage, not that Merlin has experience many massages. Only a couple of shoulder massages that Gaius has insisted on after he's injured his shoulders carrying something. Not enjoyable in and of themselves, but his shoulders felt better for it.

But this, this was bliss. Even if it did mean being surrounded surrounded by the overwhelming smell of Arthur. He didn't mind it after a while, but his cat nose was so much more sensitive than his human nose. At the moment it could distinctly smell Arthur, Arthur's sweat (because they were two different smells), Arthur's bed (again distinct from Arthur and his sweat from training) and Arthur's lunch, of cold ham and onions currently sat on his table. The pickled onions weren't appealing as a cat but the ham was calling him, and Merlin knew in a minute he'd be able to get some. He took a great pleasure in being able to steal food from Arthur. It seemed so rebellious, such a cheek, and right under Arthur's nose. So, finally tiring of the petting he gets up, stretches, sticking his arse in Arthur's face because that's what cats do and because it also strikes him as rebellion, then jumps from the bed and over onto the table.

"Oh, come on Spot, not today!" says Arthur, jumping up and rushing over to pick Merlin up just as he's got the slice by the corner. He lets out a loud growl, how dare Arthur call him spot. He doesn't even know if he has spots or not. The one time he looked in the mirror he thought he saw another cat, hissed and ran. He's not sure what the other cat looked like though, he was too busy being offended by it's presence in his room. 

"Spot, that is mine!" says Arthur, yanking the ham from Merlin's mouth, before unceremoniously dropping Merlin on the floor. Merlin knows how this goes though. He turns round and looks up at Arthur, willing his eyes as big as possible. Arthur glances down then back up again quickly. 

"Stop it, Spot. Stop it, it's not going to... oh damn it, here, have a bit." he says tearing of a large strip and throwing it on the floor. Merlin pounces on it in a minute and has cobbled it up, then makes a run for the door, because he's been gone hours and this is really becoming a really bad habit. Four times now, four times he could have got caught. 

But when he enters Gaius' chambers, he finds Gaius with a patient apparently. The patient seems disorientated, confused. Which is why Merlin is able to creep all the way to the foot of the stairs before Gaius sees him.

"Oi! No, get out of here, clear off!" shouts Giaus, running after him. Merlin bolts up the stairs to his room, through the open door and aims for the milk and potion in the bowl by the door. But it's not there! It's gone. Merlin hears footsteps behind him. Giaus.

"Ah, you see, it's gone! I knew he was feeding you, well that's over, so clear out! Go on!" Oh no, oh no, this is bad, really bad. Because Gaius isn't a cat person, and judging by his pointing and shouting, he's thrown out the potion to restore Merlin. Panicking Merlin darts from the room and heads for a place he knows will be inviting. Arthur's rooms.

Arthur is surprised to see him, but not displeased. But in his panic Merlin simply starts yelling at him. Meowing loudly. So loudly Arthur picks him up and starts looking for some kind of injury. But he can't understand, and Merlin has no way to communicate. He can't read as a cat, even if he could he can't right, he's got no thumbs. 

"What's wrong Spot? Hey, I wish you could tell me!" says Arthur, hugging him close.

"So do I," thinks Merlin, willing his heart to stop pounding in fear. "So do I"


	4. Chapter 4

It's been three days since Merlin got stuck as a cat. He's struggling, really struggling. He's aware that it doesn't look like it, because he's spent some of that time lying on Arthur's bed being stroked. But the truth is that the longer he spends like this, the more he feels he's losing himself. The more time he spends as a cat, the more he becomes a cat. After the first day he'd been forced to hunt mice to survive. It's hard because he's hungry so he needs to eat, but the crunch of the little bones makes him sick. Arthur does feed him tit bits but not enough to survive. The servants like him, but the tabby really doesn't, flattening his ears and puffing his tail up which has Merlin running the first couple of times. But then he stands up to him, and ends up with a swipe across his face that just misses his eye. The tabby is used to fight, and Merlin has only really ever fought with magic, never been much of a physical fighter.

And he's tried using magic, but his cat thoughts are too scrambled, at least that's what he thinks it must be. And he's tried and tried telling Arthur it's him. But he's not getting through, because Arthur's distracted. He's stressed and worried and it's only after the first day that Merlin realise that Arthur is worried about him. He's blunt and shouts with everyone he sees and keeps running off, but back in his chambers Arthur strokes Merlin, and hugs him and even cries sometimes. And Merlin's sure, almost sure that he keeps saying Merlin's name. 

But today Merlin is determined, he must get through to Arthur. He knows he's tried, but until today he's been holding back, because he really didn't want Arthur to know the truth about his magic. But today he feels like he has no choice. Because he will lose himself if he stays like this. He'll be a cat through and through and forget what it's like to be human. He has a plan, at least a start of a plan. 

Arthur goes over to Gaius' as he has a few times, but this time Merlin follows him all the way to the door. He's avoided it before because of Gaius' attitude, but maybe with Arthur there it'll be okay. In the end he needn't have worried as Gaius isn't there when they arrive. Arthur's turning to leave again, but Merlin starts yowling, as desperate and painful as he can and Arthur looks around awkwardly then steps forward, moving to pick Merlin up.

"Spot, come on! Gaius isn't here!"

Merlin runs back, heading to the stairs to his own chambers. Arthur straightened, unimpressed.

"Spot!" he warns, but Merlin runs a few steps up the stairs and yowls again. Rolling his eyes, Arthur moves to follow and Merlin darts up some more steps, Arthur following. Merlin can hear his sounds of disapproval but keeps on, scratching at the door until it creaks open and he runs, jumping onto his own bed. Arthur stands in the doorway for a moment, then hangs his head before stepping in. He sits down on Merlin's bed for a moment, stroking Merlin, who rubs up against him. He rubs Merlin's head.

"You knew, didn't you. You know I miss him like mad." Merlin wishes he could understand everything Arthur said, because he's sure that Arthur just said something nice and he definitely heard his name. But he needs to focus, because as nice as Arthur's strokes were, they wouldn't turn him human again. So he jumps from the bed and starts scratching at the floor where he keeps his spell book, like he's sharpening his claws. For a while Arthur doesn't respond. But Merlin meows and Arthur leans over the side of the bed, frowning at him. It takes a while, but then Arthur spies the hole and lifts up the floorboard. 

Merlin can feel the way he tenses as he lifts the spell book from it's hiding place. He doesn't look at Merlin again, just stares at the front cover, his face blank. Merlin meows at him, and head butts him, he wants him to open the book, but Arthur just stares at it. Then looks up at nothing in particular, his hands coming up to his mouth. A loud in take of breath and Merlin taste salt in the air and hear Arthur's sobbing. He jumps when Arthur thumps his fist down on the book, then flings it onto the floor. But then he's just crying, sobbing loudly and Merlin can't stand it. He should have just stayed a cat and disappeared. He rubs up against Arthur, purring loudly in an attempt to comfort him. Arthur doesn't seem to notice to begin with, but then picks him up, holding him to him like a child on his shoulder and Merlin clings on as Arthur stands up, picks up the book and walks out.


	5. Chapter 5

Merlin follows Arthur reluctantly as he marches back to his chambers, and runs, jumping onto his bed.

"Spot, out." says Arthur tiredly, but neither Merlin's human nor animal side are inclined to co-operate. Arthur doesn't get it. He knows Merlin has magic, but he's just assumed Merlin’s run off. Which is insulting, after all their years of friendship. But besides, it doesn't help Merlin. Arthur is still holding the book. Merlin's not sure why. Proof of his guilt? Something to study? He's a cat, they all look like blurry lines anyway now, but he can just about pick up what the pictures might be. Arthur isn't studying it at the moment, just lays down on the table, then sits on the bed. Merlin smells salt in the air again, and then Arthur's hand is coming up to his mouth as he begins to cry. 

Merlin wants to comfort him, to tell him it's not what he thinks. He's not betrayed Arthur. Yes, he has magic, but he's never used it against Arthur and he's never had any choice in having it. He tries to say this, over and over but all that comes out are strangled meows, so Merlin has to satisfy himself in rubbing his head against Arthur's arm. Eventually Arthur, without changing, crawls up the bed and pulls himself under the covers. Merlin rubs against his back and then curls up to sleep.

\---

Merlin wakes up to candle light. He looks around lazily, stretches and sits up. Arthur is sat by the fire, reading his spell book. Well it looks like the same book. The colour looks the same to Merlin.. He seems engrossed. Merlin starts to clean himself, but then forces himself not too. He shouldn't be this calm, Arthur is reading his spell book, Arthur knows he has magic and thinks he's a traitor, he needs to be doing something. 

He leaps down off of the bed and runs over to rub his head against Arthur's leg. 

"Hello, spot." says Arthur, not moving. Merlin starts yowling.

"If you're hungry, the doors open, I don't have any food." says Arthur. Merlin has enough focus to hear hungry and food, but even though he is hungry, it scares him how little he understands. He's losing this fight, he's becoming more cat. This will be his future, becoming a fully cat cat, and Arthur forever thinking he ran away to betray him. The very thought stabs him so much that Merlin yowls like he's actually in pain.

"Spot? Spot, what is it?" says Arthur, setting the book aside for a moment, and picking him up. He checks all of Merlin's paws and back and head whilst Merlin carries on yowling.

"Oh, Spot, come on, it's okay. You're okay, there's nothing wrong." Merlin squirms, but settles as Arthur starts stroking him. Inside he feels broken, he can't tell him, he can't make Arthur understand what's happened and he'll never get close enough to Gaius to tell him either. His yowls become more forlorn, but quieter and Arthur, seeing it as a positive sign, picks up the spell book and starts skimming through it again. At first Merlin just lays there, huddled up to Arthur's lap thinking about how everything's a mess and he's never going to be human again, but then he turns to glance at the book. 

And he has a thought. The page with the spell that made him a cat has a large black cat crawling down the edge of the page. Maybe he could recognise it. So he starts looking at the pages, stops yowling and starts to concentrate. 

"Are you reading with me, Spot?" asks Arthur fondly. 

Yes, thinks Merlin, but he's already panicking more and more. It's not just the words that are disappearing into dizzy lines that make no sense. The pictures are merging into blobs and he's struggling to understand them. As Arthur turns a page he thinks he makes out a rabbit, but it might be a horse and whatever it is it's fading in and out of vision. He rubs his eyes with his paw, but it makes no difference. It's not his vision, it's his mind that can't interpret it. 

But then, after a couple of pages, Merlin makes out a big black blob that runs down the side of a page. He concentrates, leaning forwards away from Arthur, resting his front paws on the book to try and see the picture. And just for a moment he does, the whiskers, the almond eyes, the ears. It's fleeting, but definitely there. 

"Spot, come on, I'm trying to read!" moans Arthur, trying to lift him up, but Merlin has this chance, this one chance. So he digs his claws in and yowls and yowls. When Arthur lowers him, he pats at the page like a cat would pat at a toy, which takes more concentration than you'd think, over and over. He's patting the cat, over and over.

'It's me Arthur, look! see! Understand!'

"Spot, what are you..." Arthur's smiling as he tries to pull Merlin away again, but then a frown forms as his eyes rest on the figure of the cat. Merlin tenses up, he can feel the muscles in his arms, ready to spring at Arthur's unleashed anger.

But when Arthur does, after a very long moment, talk, it's quiet, disbelieving. 

"Are you... you couldn't be... Merlin?" Merlin looks up at him, eyes wide. He lets out a very quiet mewl, and tries to hold Arthur’s gaze. For a moment Arthur does hold it, thinking. And for a moment Merlin’s heart is thumping in hope. Arthur knows, Arthur understands, Arthur will help! 

But then he and the book are being flung unceremoniously across the room, and Merlin’s glad for his cat reflexes, which allow him to twist around mid air and land on his feet. But Arthur is getting up, and launching towards him. And he’s so big, so angry looking, like a giant thundering over him. Merlin can feel the reverberation of his footsteps on the stone through his paws. Can hear Arthur’s outraged yelling, even as the fear drives all meaning from it. For a moment Merlin is paralysed in fear, belly flat to the floor, ears down, staring at Arthur in disbelief. Then he’s bolting for the door and running faster than he can ever remember, both sets of legs working together in a way that is purely instinct. 

He makes it into the courtyard, his cat brain immediately searching around and quickly calculating an escape route. And before his human mind can catch up with what he’s doing, he’s jumped from one window sill, onto another, onto one ledge and then another, until he’s a good eight foot in the air, and well out of Arthur’s reach. Arthur has just arrived below him, yelling something Merlin can’t understand. But he doesn't need to understand words to understand the meaning. His nose is furled, his teeth bared as he shouts. His eyes flash dangerously, he’s standing up straight, and his fists are clenched. Merlin backs up against the wall a bit more, but then Arthur is looking around awkwardly. People around are looking at him oddly. In fairness the king of Camelot is yelling at a cat. It’s not a common occurrence. Looking around embarrassed and angry, Arthur lowers his head, eyes still glaring up dangerously. Then, fists furling and unfurling, he starts to walk away slowly. 

Merlin takes a moment to breath, and then realises that getting up was a lot easier than getting down. And then he hears a sound that makes his blood run cold. Laughter. The laughter of children. A couple of young boys, one a stable boy. They're looking up at him and laughing. He meows uncertainly. One’s pointing at him, and nudging the other. Then the nudged one is kneeling down to pick up a pebble from the courtyard floor. Merlin meows louder, looking over to the retreating figure of Arthur. He sees Arthur glance round to him, then glance around to the boys. Then he looks back to Merlin. His gaze is still steely, dark. Then he keeps on walking. Merlin meows again. But then a stone strikes the stone wall above his head.


	6. Chapter 6

Stones hit Merlin’s stomach, then his left shoulder, one after the other, and Merlin flinches back against the wall. Another hits just above his head and Merlin hisses into thin air, growling in pain. Thankfully the stones stop, and he can hear shouting and yelling below. But the blows that have landed are painful enough, so he keeps his eyes closed as he clings to the precipice, his claws extended. He breathes and tries to concentrate on not falling off, but then he’s just thinking about the pain more and more which makes him yowl. He forces himself to open his eyes, even as he’s shaking with fear, and looks down.

“Ow!” One of the boys is holding his hand up to face, as Arthur looms large over them shouting. One of them is looking confused and shouting back, but Arthur just seems to yell louder, and then they’re running away quickly. Arthur looks around him suspiciously, then looks back up at Merlin. His eyes are still steely, still hard, his nose slightly curled. But as he stares a Merlin there’s a slight confusion. At least he thinks there’s a slight confusion. Maybe he’s just still angry. Merlin’s so in pain, and reading human expressions is becoming as difficult as reading words on paper. He can’t read the nuances. Is Arthur holding his gaze as a threat or is he thinking? Are his hands fisted in threat or in stress. Arthur starts shouting again and Merlin can’t tell what he’s yelling. He points at the ground, does he mean go down? Is he just doing it for emphasis? Agitated he turns around, running a hand through his hair and then points at him and starts yelling again. Merlin peers over the edge. The ledge to jump down is at an awkward angle. Even if he wasn’t petrified of Arthur, he’s not sure he could get down. He peers up as Arthur’s incoherent yelling continues. There’s another ledge, his cat instinct says he could just about make it, but as he crouches down, he hears Arthur shout more sharply than before. It wouldn’t stop him, but his left leg screams in pain even as he crouches. 

He yells out in pain, and looks down. Arthur's eyes are wider now, his brow furrowed and he keeps yelling, and waving his arms. But Merlin can't read them, can't interpret the gestures any more. He could be angry, he could be worried. He could be demanding Merlin jump or beckoning him down. It sends a jolt through his heart that he's come this far. That he's so cat her can't understand. And in his despair he yowls again, but this time is low, guttural , from the back of his throat. And it keeps coming, in long, drawn out yowls, like Merlin's crying. Which he would if he could. But he can't, he's a cat. Cat's don't cry. Don't scream. So he tries to dig his claws further into the stone, which does nothing, and lowers his head, closing his eyes. 

It seems like an endless amount of time to Merlin that he yowls into nothing, not knowing a way up, or down. His sides hurting and his mind more and more confused. Suddenly he hears a loud smack below him, and he jumps back fearing more stones. But then there's creaking and scrapping below him. He knows it should make sense, should tell him something's happening. But he doesn't know, only knows that something is approaching him from below, and the last approach from below was a stone. And then a human is appearing over the ledge, looming huge over him. It's panting loudly, and it smells of sweat. And it's talking, at least it's mouth is opening and sounds are coming out. They don't sound loud, but Merlin hisses at it anyway. Then it's reaching up a great, sweaty paw and grabbing Merlin around the stomach. Merlin reacts on instinct. His stomach is tender as it is, but it's not really touching that. It's the cat part of him that reacts. Stomachs are a weak point, if it does for the stomach it gets his heart and lungs and gut. So he lashes out, slashing at the paw, with claws, and then teeth.

"Ah!" the creature pulls it's paw away, shaking it in pain. It almost takes Merlin with it, but he jumps away quickly, clinging back to the stone. Merlin turns to glare at the creature, who is looking at him. It has bright blue eyes, which keep glancing at him, meeting his eye, then glancing away. They're very vivid eyes. And they remind Merlin of something. The hand, paw comes up again, but slower this time, and the creature holds it up to Merlin. Merlin glares at it for a moment, growling, then tentatively leans forward to sniff it. 

Arthur. The name springs to mind. More like a feeling than a fact, or even a sound. It's Arthur. He knows Arthur, recognises Arthur. And the fact that he's not a cat floods back into his mind. He's human, he should be able to understand the sounds like Arthur's making. So he concentrates, watching Arthur as he starts to talk again.

"It's me, hey.... you know me. Spot? Hey? I'm sorry. I thought you were... you might..." Arthur stops talking, his hand tentatively his thumb along the middle of Merlin's forehead over his head along the hairline. It's nice, soothing. Merlin thinks he should probably be thinking about this more. This Arthur was yelling at him, but now is being nice. But he can't remember much beyond that, and to be honest the gentle stroking is so much nicer than the yelling and stones that Merlin decides it's best not to question it. 

"If you are... if you're Merlin...I... just come down, yeah? I... I won't hurt you. I promise...Will you let me...I'm just..." Merlin's not sure he heard of understood all of it, but after a moment Arthur reaches out with his scratched hand, the scratch marks already puffing up a little, and a couple bleeding at the end points. When he feels Arthur's hand touch he jumps again, turning around and growling. But he doesn't hiss or scratch. Arthur's stilled, his hand still on Merlin. He waits, and then he scoops Merlin up, pulling him close to his chest. Which is fine until Arthur takes a step down the ladder. At which point Merlin panics, sinking his claws into Arthur's shoulder as he clambers out of Arthur's grip.

"Ow! Argh! Merlin! That hurt!" says Arthur, but Merlin doesn't hear the words, although 'ow' is pretty universal. He's clambered onto Arthur's shoulders, and digs his claws in for the rest of the descent down.


	7. Chapter 7

When Arthur walked into Gaius' chambers carrying a cat, he wasn't too happy. In fact he was really rather unhappy. He'd finally managed to get rid of that dratted cat, who he was sure was responsible for various things being missing or knocked over, and now Arthur was standing in front of him, holding the miserable, bedraggled mutt to his chest. 

"Gaius, I need your help." says Arthur, his eyes wide and imploring. Gaius turns away, back to the remedy he's working on, which involves some hard work with a mortar and pestle.

"Arthur, I treat people, not animals, and I have some very serious cases to deal with."

"It's Merlin." Arthur says. Gaius, turns back to face him, one eyebrow raised.

"What about Merlin?" he says, looking at Arthur.

"The cat. The cat is Merlin." says Arthur, motioning the cat towards Gaius, which squirms in his arms, paws reaching out.

"Arthur, I miss Merlin too. But this is just a moggy. Look at it! I don't know where Merlin's headed off to but..." Arthur is looking frustrated.

"Gaius, I'm not a fool! I know about Merlin's magic. I've seen his spell book, and the cat kept patting on the page about how you to turn yourself into a cat."

"The cat... kept patting the page..." says Gaius, not looking at all convince.

"Sire, I was unaware that such a spell existed, although I must say I haven't read that book from cover to cover. I will need to have a look at it to see what it says before we do anything else."

"Fine, I'll just run and get it, take him." he says shoving the cat into Gaius' arms.

"Arthur!" says Gaius, indignantly, as the cat squirms about, growling at Gaius.

"Merlin, remember that's Gaius! Gaius, he may have a broken rib, so don't drop him!" says Arthur, running out of the door.

The cat squirms around in Gaius' arms just enough to meet Gaius' eyes. And Gaius has to admit, he can see why Arthur's convinced, at least a little. They do look a little like Merlin's eyes.

"Can you understand me?" he says slowly. The cat just looks at him, not growling or meowing. Then turns his head around at the sound of some scratching

"That's a no then." says Gaius, shaking himself.

"Can't understand plain English, but can read a spell book, hey?" says Gaius, rolling his eyes.

\---

Arthur reappears with the book, and takes the cat back from Gaius. The cat growls at the movement. Gaius reads the spell, his brow drawing further together as he does. Because it's not just the cat tapping a page any more, which could easily have been a coincidence, or figment of Arthur’s imagination. But now there's a spell which requires a potion to undo. Add to the fact that Merlin was feeding the cat. Except maybe he wasn't. Gaius chucked out the bowl of milk the same day that Merlin disappeared. And the book is also clear about not spending too much time as a cat (or any other creature, there are many more spells like it.) because you start to lose sight of who you are. 

The cat is sat on the table, huddled up, it's head down, buried in it's forearms. It looks miserable, but then Arthur says he's just caught a couple of boys trying to stone it. He doesn't meet Gaius' eyes when he says that, which makes Gaius think there's more to it than that, but now is not the time for that conversation. He notes down the ingredients, goes and empties his mortar, and starts measuring things out. Judging by how much he has of the ingredients needed, Merlin has been using them quite recently. The last ingredient he only has enough for this batch. So he brews it up, mixes it with the milk, and sets it in front of the cat. Who promptly sniffs it, and turns bodily away from it, to sit down again. 

"Merlin" says Arthur, warningly. The cat stretches his front legs out, the only sign he's heard Arthur is the way his right ear twitches. Definitely Merlin then. 

"Merlin, you need to drink this!" says Arthur, just as sternly again. The cat glances around this time. But it barely opens it’s eyes, and also glances around the room. 

"Arthur, are you absolutely sure this isn't just a normal cat?" asks Gaius, starting to doubt himself again.

"Yes! Yes, it's him... I’m sure… I’m pretty sure." says Arthur, trailing off a little as Gaius regards him. Gaius turns away, but he has to be sure it isn’t Merlin. 

"Merlin, drink your milk." he tries firmly, feeling an idiot as he says it. The cat looks at him, watching him. It holds his gaze for what seems like an eternity, then stands up, yowling, and walks over to the bowl. It dips its head down, sniffing the milk suspiciously. It glances up at Gauis, who raises an eyebrow at it. Then it seems to think, before starting to lap at the milk. 

It drinks half the bowl, and then turns as if to go to sleep. Gaius turns to Arthur, eyebrow raised. 

“I… I don’t understand.” says Arthur, frowning, confused.

“I do. Merlin’s missing, and the cat looked forlorn. You’d seen the spell in the book, and decided that…” Gaius trails off at the look of shock which has appeared on Arthur’s face, as he looks at the cat. He turns to see Merlin curled up asleep on the table. Very much human, very much naked, and his stomach and shoulder are covered with huge, blue bruises the size of plates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One day I will stick to the chapter number I aim for... but it will not be this day!!
> 
> As always, my eternal gratitude for comments, essays, words, emojis... I'll take whatever you're offering!


	8. Chapter 8

Arthur steps forward. Merlin is looking up at him from under hooded eyes. Guarded eyes. Suspicious eyes.

"Merlin?" he says cautiously reaching a hand forward. A sound like a growl comes from Merlin's throat, and he's looking between Arthur and his hand. When Arthur keeps reaching, Merlin slaps his hand with his own and makes a hissing sound at him. It's not quite the sound a cat would make, but it's quite clearly an attempt. Arthur feels Gaius' hand come up to block him from getting closer again.

"Don't touch him, Arthur. He's been under the spell far longer than he should have been."

"But look at him! Look at the bruises!" says Arthur shocked. They're huge. Deep red marks, uneven in shape. One is already developing a ring of purple at the edges. 

"I guess that they're in proportion. They may have been little on a cat, but then a cat is only small itself." says Gaius calmly, but he frowns as he looks at them.

"There could be internal damage. Merlin? Merlin can you understand me?" says Gaius slowly, looking at Merlin expectantly. Merlin looks back at Gaius, and Arthur can see the beginnings of comprehension. Merlin glances at him too, but his eyes quickly flick back to Gaius. He looks like he wants to say something, like he's on the verge of speaking. But he doesn't say anything. He sits up on the bench, hooking his legs over slowly, wincing at the movement.. Gaius quickly grabs a cloth to wrap around his modesty, and then heads up to Merlin's room to grab some clothes. Whilst he does Arthur keeps looking at Merlin, who occasionally looks at him back. There's still a wariness to his eyes. But whenever he looks up, and Arthur's certain he's going to speak, he doesn't. Just sits there, occasionally wincing as he breaths in and out. When Gaius returns, he stands there, watching Merlin almost speaking. 

"Ah." he says slowly.

"Ah?" says Arthur, looking at Gaius with concern.

"This may take a little longer than expected. I think it might be best if you leave him to me for a while. I'll get him checked and dressed and you can see him tomorrow." says Gaius, gesturing towards the door. Arthur looks at Merlin. He doesn't want to go, he doesn't want to leave Merlin like this. But Gaius is a physician, he knows best. So, reluctantly, Arthur tears his gaze from Merlin and walks towards the door.

"I... you..." says Merlin, suddenly. Arthur's head whips around at the sound of the words. He rushes back to Merlin's side, who leans away from him, a sharp breath and a grimace covering his face. But after a moment that passes, and he still looks upset. 

"I? I what? Can you say any more?" asks Arthur eagerly.

"You... you... m...me... you..." tries Merlin, tripping as he tries to form words. It's clearly frustrating him, he frowns at each word he can't form. His hands are white knuckled as he grips the edge of the bench.

"I what, Merlin?" says Arthur, beginning to lose patience.

"You!" shouts Merlin. Arthur pulls back, looking at Merlin confused.

"Left... Mme!" he finishes after a moment, and then there are tears in his eyes and he drops his head. Even saying this much has been an effort.

"What? No I didn't! I came and got you, remember! I climbed the ladder! I've got your scratches to prove it!" says Arthur angrily, pulling back his shirt at the collar to reveal some red scratches which are already swelling.

"B... boys. S....sto..stones." says Merlin, tears rolling down his cheeks. 

"I didn't know they'd..." Arthur trails off. He knew they'd throw stones at Merlin. He's seen them in the courtyard before aiming for various things. He's even encouraged them when it's been something inanimate. 

"You... you knew" says Merlin accusingly. Of course he knows. He's seen them too. Have the castle knows them.

"I knew they'd throw stones." He can feel Gaius' look burrowing into him from behind. 

"But they've never hit anything before! They're useless! At least they were... I just... I was angry and upset and I thought they might scare you... Didn't occur to me they might have got any good. Last week they couldn't hit a post three feet in front of them..." says Arthur, getting quieter the longer he talks. Merlin is looking at him, frowning. But it's not just an upset frown. It's a confused frown. He doesn't understand. At least he hasn't understood it all. 

"I didn't think they could hit you, Merlin. I promise" he says slower, trying to hold Merlin's gaze as he does. But he can't at the end. Because he might not have thought it possible, but they had hit Merlin. And now Merlin's hurt. Badly hurt. 

"...leave me." says Merlin.

"...I didn't leave you, I was just upset, I was always coming back..." says Arthur, and he knows he's babbling. 

"No. Leave me." says Merlin, looking at him. The look is angry. Maybe even a little cold, and Arthur can feel his heart hammering, as he stands up straighter, nods a goodnight to Merlin, then to Gaius, and tries to stop himself from running out of the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously, one day I'll be able to set myself a chapter goal and stick to it. But it's not happening with this one...


	9. Chapter 9

Merlin hasn't spoken to Arthur for over two weeks now, and Arthur is beside himself with worry. He's trying not to show it, Merlin's returned to work, but it's un-nerving him. Merlin has always previously been so chatty, maybe even too chatty. But now it's like working with a mute. He doesn't even acknowledge Arthur, even when he's dressing Arthur, even when speaking to Arthur directly.

"Merlin, would you mind bringing me a nightshirt, there's a chill tonight." says Arthur, as he sits by the fire in only his small trousers. It's been a warm day, but there's an edge in the air. Arthur glances behind him into the darkness where Merlin is folding Arthur's clean clothes by the light of the fire before putting them away. He carries on, not acknowledging that Arthur has spoken. Arthur brings his arms up around himself and tries to ignore the goose bumps growing. But there's something else worrying him.

"Merlin, the council meeting they... they think there might be the an assassination attempt..." he wants a reaction, he's hoping for something. He wished Merlin had been there at the meeting, but Merlin doesn't attend them any more, apparently. He should fire Merlin for this behaviour, but he's pretty sure Merlin would be happy to go, and that makes Arthur's heart drop. Mentally he reminds himself that Merlin is still struggling with his speech, he's heard him try with Gwaine, but he is improving. And Arthur was ... he did get Merlin stoned, so he's not completely blameless. He's pulled from his thoughts by a shirt landing on his lap from above. It's a reaction, but Merlin's silence continues.

"Thank you." says Arthur, glancing around again, but Merlin has resumed his folding, and isn't looking at him. 

"Do you think I should be concerned? Do you think I ought to post more guards?" Merlin continues folding, eyes glancing only between the garments in his hands. 

"Merlin!" says Arthur, finally beginning to lose patience. Merlin finally glances up. The look in his eyes suggests that Merlin is the most likely candidate for assassin at this moment. 

"Merlin, please!" he tries, standing up and stepping towards Merlin. The shirt falls to the ground, forgotten. Merlin seems to grit his teeth for a moment. 

"Do what you think best." he says finally. Then picks up the pile of nicely folded clothes and carries them over to the open wardrobe, where he places them on a shelf, closes the door, and walks past Arthur to the door.

"Merlin, stop this! Please! Can't we..." says Arthur walking after him. 

"No!" Merlin turns back, eyes flashing angrily, and finally look Arthur straight in the eye.

"You know I didn't mean..." tries Arthur, his arms out beseechingly.

"Yes! You did. Don't want to talk. Good night, Sire!" says Merlin, walking out of the door and slamming it behind him. Arthur stands there, blinking rapidly for a few moments. Eventually, as chin wrinkles, he walks over to where the shirt lies on the floor. He clenches it in his fists as he walks over to the bed, and uses it to muffle his weeping. 

\---

Arthur is woken by the sound of his door creaking open slowly. The way Spot had when he'd used to creep in. He turns over groggily. He's only fallen asleep about ten minutes ago, in his right hand he's still gripping the shirt Merlin had dropped onto him. It's wet in quite a few places now, and for a moment he can't remember what it is or why he's holding it. But then he's aware of muffled footsteps in the silence. Human, adult footprints by the timing. Making their way steadily across the room as quietly and as quickly as possible. For a barely a moment he wonders if it's Merlin, but he knows in his gut that it isn't him, and his heart is hammering. 

"Guards! Guards!"

He tries to spin off of the bed to his right when he hears footsteps approaching him on his left, but his legs are tangled in his bed sheets and he only makes it to the other side of the bed. He hears a muffled thud as the figure plants a knife into the mattress beside him. When he pulls it out again, Arthur can make out the glint of the knife as the assassin lifts it above him to strike again. A triangle of light held by a faceless blob of darkness which is now leaning over him. And then it strikes.

\---

Merlin wakes to the sound of Gaius returning to their chambers. He quickly jumps up and pulls some clothes on. It's not uncommon for Gaius to have urgent calls in the night, and if they're serious he often asks Merlin to return in his place. So Merlin isn't surprised when he finds Gaius placing some bottles on the counter with a very sombre face.

"What happened?" he asks, like he always asks. Bad child birth, heart attack, fits, plague. None of them care whether it's night or day. 

"It's... it's a stabbing, pretty bad actually." says Gaius. Merlin frowns in sympathy. Stabbings always are, the risk of infection, unknown damage to internal organs. And that's all without the human drama of who decided to stab you, which is often someone you know, and therefore didn't think would stab you.

"Anyone we know?" he asks, picking up Gaius' bottles to check what's been used up, and will need a fresh batch. 

"Yes, unfortunately it is." Merlin looks up, confused after a slight pause.

"Merlin, it's Arthur." The bottle Merlin was holding shatters as soon as it hits the stone floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I need to stop hurting the boys, but... nah. Virtual cakes and my un-ending gratitude for any comments. What you do or don't like. On any area; characterisation, description, speech, plot, language, pacing... I love all of them and try to personally reply to as many as possible.


	10. Chapter 10

Merlin only waits to gather up a quick bag of supplies, despite Gaius pointing out that Arthur is resting now, and nothing can be done. The walk to Arthur's chambers seems like the longest in Merlin's life. Every step seems to take an age, and all he can hear is the sound of his own footsteps, his breathing, and his own blood rushing through his ears. His heart is hammering, has been hammering against his ribcage since Gaius told him about Arthur. Now, as he stops at the door he never knocks at, it only seems to beat louder. Because on the other side is Arthur, stabbed. Alive though, that's the important thing, alive. 

He eases the door open as quietly as he can, and walks over to the table, laying the bag down slowly. Then he's all but jogging over to the bed, desperate, but afraid at the same time. Arthur is sleeping, laying on his back, with his head fallen to the side. He's frowning in his sleep, probably from the pain in abdomen. Merlin perches himself on the edge of the bed. The bed sheet is up to Arthur's chest, and Merlin can make out the bulk of the bandage underneath. His fingers almost itch to pull the sheets down to check it himself. But Gaius is a far better physician than Merlin is, and doing that would only wake Arthur. Right now sleep is the only thing that can help Arthur. Rest and keeping the wound clean are the only things that can ensure his survival. 

Merlin frowns as he looks at him though. Arthur looks pale, bags under his eyes. From crying in pain, from lack of sleep, from the general trauma of being woken by an assassin in your room. Before he thinks of it, Merlin is reaching forward and brushing Arthur's fringe away from his face. His skin is clammy, a little damp, and Merlin frowns harder as he leans and lays his hand fully on Arthur's forehead. It's a little warm, warmer than Merlin would like, but not feverish. Not yet. Merlin drags his hand away from Arthur's head, and resists the urge to clasp his hand instead. He wants to talk too. Wants to tell Arthur he's sorry he wasn't there, or that he didn't believe him. He's sorry he hasn't been speaking to him, although he might add, Arthur was still a complete prat, and had nearly got him killed. But he knows that's not quite true. Unthinking, angry, mean, stupid. But in his heart he knows that Arthur never meant for him to get hurt. Not really. So he settles with

"Don't die on me, clotpole.", before getting up and walking over to arrange the supplies he's bought. 

\---

Arthur only wakes briefly that evening, when Gaius wakes him to eat and change his dressings. He looks around blearily, confused.

"It's okay, Sire, I'm here. I'm just going to take a look, wash the wound and re-dress it, then I've got some medicine for you, and then we'll try you with some soup." Arthur just about manages a nod, frowning and closing his eyes in obvious discomfort. But he grits his teeth as Gaius removes the bandages, and only lets out a slight whine when Gaius is actually prodding the wound.

"I can't see any signs of infection, and it's beginning to knit. So now all you need is a lot of rest, something to ease the pain, and plenty of guards to prevent a repeat performance and we'll have you back to normal in no time." says Gaius enthusiastically. Arthur looks at him, frowning. There's something a little forced about Gaius' countenance. Not fake, if Gaius would worry, he'd says so. 

"How long is no time?" says Arthur. 

"Oh, only four to six weeks..."

"Four to six weeks!" bursts Arthur.

"Sire..." begins Arthur

"Gaius, I..." interrupts Arthur. 

"You've been stabbed. Four to six weeks before you're on your feet. Another few months before you're back to training." 

Arthur throws his head back against the pillow. 

"And the quickest way back on your feet is for you to rest. So I'm going to get you some tonics and food, and then you'r resting. Doctors order!" says Gaius sharply, getting up. Arthur's eyes follow his, then quickly dart around the room. He can't help the way his chin wrinkles just a bit. 

"Where... where's Merlin?" he says trying to sound as if he doesn't care, but mainly failing. 

"He's out gathering some supplies for me." says Gaius. He glances back to Arthur, and looks again when he sees the look on Arthur's face.

"I used up a few vital supplies on you last night. Merlin's gone out to replenish them, he knows exactly where to find them. No one else does, except me, and I'm needed here." Arthur nods, but his eyes glance to the door as Gaius continues his treatment.

\---

That night Arthur's door creaks open, and Arthur wakes, his heart hammering. He can hear something making it's way across the room again, and he wants to yell out for help, but he's so terrified he can't move. He can only just move his head to look towards the door. In the deep darkness he can't make out a shape, can't pick out any movement, can only hear the light scuffle of something making it's way across the floor. Then suddenly something heavy lands on his bed by his side. 

He jumps back from it, tensing a little, but it's not an assassin. It's not even human, at least... Well, it's a cat. In the dark he can't make out the markings, but it steps towards him, sniffing him, then head butts him lightly. Then it lets out a plaintative 'meow', before turning around on the same spot three times and lying down against Arthur's arm.


	11. Chapter 11

Merlin woke slowly, becoming aware of the fact that someone was stroking him up and down his stomach, long before he registers the implications that this meant he was still a cat, and currently lying in Arthur's bed. 

"You talking to me now?" comes Arthur's calm, deep voice. And suddenly Merlin is twisting right around in a way that shouldn't be capable, and turning to face Arthur. Arthur's watching him, laying on his side, his bandages showing. Merlin had been lying full length along his side. Purring. Had leaned into the touches. Had enjoyed them. Merlin really had to stop pretending to be a cat. Being Arthur's friend was hard enough without thinking too hard about the fact that he's just enjoyed ten minutes of being touched by Arthur. As a cat. Not like... but still it's...

"Merlin?" Arthur's hand comes up to stroke Merlin's back, probably to calm him, but Merlin reacts without thinking, spinning again, to grab Arthur's hand, sinking his front claws and teeth into it, and kicking it brutally with his back feet. 

"Ow!" Arthur's exclamation jolts Merlin out of his attack, but his heart is still racing. He needs to stop being a cat, more than anything he needs to not be a cat. He bolts from the room, bolts straight to Gaius' chambers, straight to his room. His feet skid and slide on the dust and stone and he runs, until he grinds to a halt in his room, to find Gaius holding the bowl of milk. His eyebrow raised.

"Merlin?" he says, and sets the bowl down. Merlin starts lapping at it immediately, and only stops as he's catapulted upwards. 

"Oh god!" he moans, as the upward motion, and his own distress cause him to turn throw up into the same bowl.

"I think we need to talk." says Gaius, sitting down on the bed.

"No, no, no, I need to see Arthur, I hurt him, I scratched him, I..." says Merlin, darting towards the door.

"Merlin, you can't go yet." says Gaius calmly.

"Why not?" demands Merlin.

"Because you're not wearing any clothes."

\---

It's been half an hour, maybe more before Merlin appears in Arthur's room, now fully clothed, holding a small jar in his hand. He's not meeting Arthur's eyes, and for a moment Arthur thinks Merlin is angry with him again, which hurts. He rubs his scratched had, subconsciously. But as Merlin walks over, Arthur realises it's not anger or annoyance on Merlin's face, but worry. It's clear as he sits on the bed beside Arthur, and glances at the pot already sat on Arthur's bedside, for Arthur's stomach wound. The same lotion Merlin currently has a pot of in his hand. Arthur sees the way Merlin's eyes flit between the two pots, his brow creasing even more, and his mouth working slightly, although he doesn't say anything. 

"Merlin?" says Arthur.

"'m sorry." says Merlin, and he's almost in tears. 

"What for?" says Arthur, trying to sound calm.

"Everything." says Merlin, and a tear does drop down his cheek, leaving a silvery trail. But he still doesn't look up, doesn't move.

"Sorry bout lying... an sorry bout pre... being a cat... and being angry and scratching you" at this he does look around, at Arthur's hand and puts the pot down, so that he can start applying the cream to the scratches he'd recently inflicted. They're not as bad as he'd feared. Only a couple have broken the skin, and he focusses on them. He seems to get lost in it, as his finger rubs over the same sore point over and over.

"Merlin..." says Arthur, watching him intently.

"I... I think I'm going mad. Maybe I've already gone mad..." Merlin mumbles, eyes wide as they stare at Arthur's hand.

"Merlin, you can stop..."

"But I can't! I can't! I want to be a cat, it's... it's different and fun. And I'm not sure I can stop, I don't know how! But it's... it's messing with me... I like... I like how you are with me... I like it too much... I..." Arthur's hand stills Merlin's, where it's been rubbing the same circle in the cream ten times now.

"I mean... I mean you can stop with the cream." says Arthur calmly.

"Oh." says Merlin quietly, pulling his hands away, and looking down, around him, embarrassed.

"I think you should see Gaius, I think you need to rest." says Arthur, and Merlin really has to try not to cry at the dismissal.

"Yes, sire... I'm sorry..." says Merlin, breathing in a laboured breath, and tears starting to flow freely.

"Merlin? Merlin, I just... you're upset... you need... Merlin!" shouts Arthur from the bed, as Merlin runs out of the room.


	12. Chapter 12

Merlin is lying on his bed, weeping like a child, like he hasn't done for years. Gaius is sat beside him, arms folded on his lap. A pot of broth sits steaming on Merlin's bedside table.

"The mind is a very delicate thing, Merlin. You've been batting yours back and forth between a human mind, and an animal one for far too long, and far too many times. Besides you were stuck as a cat for longer than a human should be stuck as something else. Your mind has been in the wars, you need a rest. What you need is rest, and to stay human." says Gaius calmly, and quietly.

"I know!" says Merlin, but it sounds like a cry.

"But... but Arthur and...what if someone else tries to... Arthur needs me!"

"Arthur is the King of Camelot, and not as useless as you think he is. Besides, you're no use to him until you've recovered. So you need to eat up that broth, and sleep. And I'm going to go and check Arthur's stomach wound."

"Tell... tell him I'm sorry!" says Merlin, reaching out as Gaius stands. Gaius smiles and squeezes his hand momentarily, before heading downstairs.

\---

"Is... is he alright?" asks Arthur, brow knotted in concern as Gaius starts peeling away Arthur's bandage. Arthur's laid back flat on his bed, trying not to wince at the pain. 

"He's very fragile, Sire. He's been reckless, and with his mind, which is very very dangerous." says Gaius frowning, as he pulls back the bandage to examine Arthur's wound. It still looks bad, but it's beginning to knit. Around the stitches looks red and swollen. 

"The stitches itch, it isn't infected, is it?" asks Arthur, trying to glance down, over his rucked up shirt.

"No, that's normal irritation. They're not weeping" says Gaius, picking up a clean cloth, which he pours some tincture on. Arthur hisses in pain as Gaius applies it to the wound, and scrunches his eyes shut, trying not to cry. 

"I'm sorry, Sire. It needs to be cleaned, I'm afraid. This shouldn't sting as much." he says, applying a cream to the wound, before replacing the bandages. 

"When can I see him?" asks Arthur, fixing his eyes on Gaius again, as Gaius pulles his shirt back down carefully. 

"I'm not sure. He was very distressed earlier, and he seems to be struggling to re-adjust. But maybe after he's rested I can send him. If I might be so bold, Sire. I know that this situation is of Merlin's own creation, but at the moment he isn't in control. Please, be gentle with him." Arthur, nods, closing his eyes.

"Of course! I don't... I don't know if it's the cat thing, but we just seem to keep talking at cross purposes. I need... I need to get through to him!" says Arthur, throwing his arms up a little in his frustration. 

"Okay, but please, as his doctor, don't push, Sire. You may find he doesn't make sense for a while yet. And even if he does, he really doesn't need to be excited at the moment."

\---

Merlin comes to see Arthur the next evening. He seems quiet, anxious.

"Merlin." says Arthur, resisting the urge to reach forward towards him. Merlin walks over, not meeting Arthur's eyes, and stands awkwardly by Arthur's bed.

"I'm... I'm sorry about yesterday. It was... I shouldn't have reacted like that. It won't happen again." says Arthur seriously.

"Merlin, I'm not angry, I'm worried. Sit down! Come on, talk to me!" he says, wincing as he pulls himself up to sit against the headboard. 

"Arthur, don't!" says Merlin, jumping forward to help him. But Arthur puts a hand up.

"I'm fine, Merlin! It's just uncomfortable. But mine's physical. Now, will you sit down and talk to me! And if you walk out again, I swear I will crawl out of this bed to follow you!" Merlin finally meets Arthur's eyes, which are wide, and concerned. Breathing out, he sits down on the edge of the bed, looking away, and starts fiddling with the edge of his jacket. 

"I... I just. I didn't realise it would change things. How I thought... what I thought. I... And you knowing, which I've dreaded for so long and..."

"Dreaded?" says Arthur, frowning.

"Well... I mean technically you can still execute me." says Merlin, and he tries to keep the wobble out of his voice.

"I'd never do that. Merlin, look at me. You have to know that!" Merlin turns cautiously, to meet Arthur's eyes. Arthur's serious, and Merlin feels tears welling in his eyes to see how sincere Arthur is. He looks away, ashamed at how pathetic he must loo. He waits for Arthur's mocking voice chiding him for crying.

"Oh Merlin, no! I wouldn't, I swear! Take my hand, Merlin, please!" says Arthur, reaching his own forward. Merlin turns to look at him, then reaches his own out tentatively so that Arthur can take it, holding it firmly, and rubbing light circles on the top of it. Merlin doesn't grip back, his hand limp in Arthur's. 

"And... and I... I liked it. Snuggling up to you, as a cat." says Merlin, like it's the biggest secret in the world. And he waits for Arthur to throw his hand away. 

"I liked it too." says Arthur, although there's a question in his voice.

"Arthur, it... it made me... I want to ... be like that... but human." He's staring at the opposite wall, his hand limp, but then he quickly turns to look at Arthur, a slightly wild look in his eyes. Arthur still has a slight wrinkle on his forehead. Questioning. 

"Merlin, wh..." Arthur's cut off by Merlin leaning forward to kiss him quickly on the lips. 

"Merlin!" says Arthur, eyes growing wide and scared. Merlin pulls away, and would have ran, but Arthur still has his hand, and clamps down on his grip as Merlin moves.

"No! Don't you dare run agai... argh!" Arthur shouts out, as Merlin pulls him forward.

"What? Arthur! Noooooooo! I'm sorry!" says Merlin sitting again, immediately trying to pull Arthur's shirt up, to inspect his bandage. 

"Merlin stop! Merlin, listen to me! For one minute please!" Merlin looks up at him, scared, wide-eyed. But he does stop, hands shaking a little.

"I wasn't... I wasn't saying no... about the kissing. Gaius told me not to ... not to get you worked up. I'm sorry, you surprised me. I didn't... You're so delicate..." says Arthur, starting to stroke Merlin's hand again.

"I'm not!" starts Merlin.

"Yes, Merlin! At the moment you are! Don't... don't be ashamed. I am too, just in a different way. And you will heal, just like I will. But, like me, you need rest. But, I wouldn't mind you resting here, if you like." says Arthur. For a moment Merlin just looks at Arthur, then nods smiling just a little, he curls himself up next to Arthur.

\---

The next assassin Morgana sends is less successful. They also manage to make it as far as the royal bed chamber un-noticed, before they see a figure sit up from the bed. The figure swears, then there's a pair of glowing gold eyes, and the assassin is flying un-ceremoniously backwards, clattering against the far wall. And a guard has burst into the room, holding a sword to their throat. That's the end of that attempt. 

"What's happening?" mutters Arthur, turning to face Merlin, sleepily.

"Nothing, just someone trying to kill you. But it's fine, I dealt with them." says Merlin. 

"What happened?" 

"I threw them against the wall. Leon's just marched them downstairs." 

Arthur looks up, past Merlin, to the far wall. Then back at Merlin. 

"Oh... glad to see your magic is coming in useful. Now, go back to sleep." He says, grabbing Merlin's arm, and wrapping it around his middle, before promptly falling straight back to sleep. Merlin smiled, and laid his head on Arthur's chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure about this ending, so feel free to tell me how you feel. All the virtual cookies for comments!! :)


End file.
